I want people to understand the death penalty isn't just a crime against innocent men and women on death row. It is also a statement against the word of God that people do change! I should take this moment to state clearly for the record. 1 am one of guilty, seeking mercy from the just. I'm very remorseful, and live with the shame of my unrighteous actions daily. But I must ask for your understanding, and the only way 1 can think to start this action, is to tell you how I ended up here, in my own words. But please understand that the blame game stops here with me. I am responsible for all my actions. And my crime was a horrible crime. So I do understand why people are calling for my death. But no one is talking about, how does a person get to the point of being able to kill. All of us are not cold-blooded killers waiting for our next kill. Many men here are remorseful and deeply affected. So many are still trying to understand.

As I sit here in my cage listening daily to the pains and ills on this side of the world, I can see somewhat of what happens to so many of us. Hate and jealously ruled my life. Hate because of a home not full of love and jealousy for people who had things that I thought I should also have. And when you mix the two with drugs, you will come away with the formula for a killer.

I don't recall living in a stable home. There were stable moments, but most of my childhood was full of madness. We jumped from home to home and family member to family member. And hearing them all talk about us and our so-called "no good" father. We realty did face some really bad times. I recall so many days being in the streets all night long at age 12 through 14. We didn't have to answer to anyone because my father would go to work at 5:30 a.m. and return at 11:00 p.m. People don't understand, Just like you learn good habits, you also can (earn bad ones. In my mind-much faster. The streets are very cold. No one running the streets will stop to ask you, "Can you read?" The question 1 recall the street asking me was, "What do you have to get high on, little Hudson?" Never did in the streets tell me I must be more responsible.

For the record, I am nothing, but with God I'm somebody. I dare to love myself. I refuse to live in self pity, or with a "poor me'' mentality. My past is just that, my past. 1 am not defined by past actions, but by what I do with each day before me. So to me, each day is a chance to change. I am free today. 1 let go of hate and selfish desires. Many people live their whole life never learning how to live each day to its fullest, I realize society may never forgive me for my actions. And I understand this fact- but I don't have to live my life as a killer.

I also understand that most people think this is the last place where love can grow. But that's only because they didn't learn much in school. Because science teaches us that all living things start in darkness. So how come people can't change? Love doesn't care who you look like or what you may have done once she takes hold of you. God can reach anywhere in the earth at anytime. I know many don't believe prisoners can reform, or that people can change. But they do.

You can contact us about our programs at:

Illinois Coalition to Abolish The Death Penalty
Executive Director Jane Bohman
180 N. Michigan Ave.
Suite 2300
Chicago, IL 60601-7401

Phone: (312) 849-2279
Fax: (312) 201-9760
email: info@icadp.org