Prisoners get chance to reveal who they are
By Eric Zorn, Columnist
Chicago Tribune, August 21, 2003

I'm a 48-year-old woman who has lived a long, long life for my age," begins one entry in an essay contest.

"I'm the selfish boy who has become a humble man," says another.

"I am a person who has made plenty of mistakes that I wish I could change," says a third.

"I am the strange fruit Billie Holiday sang about," says a fourth. "I am every Bob Marley song."

The questions each entrant must answer in 500 words or less are straightforward: "Who are you? What can you do to be better?"

Only about two dozen entries have arrived, in part because publicity has been strictly word-of-mouth, and in part because only inmates of the Illinois Department of Corrections are eligible to compete for the $50 first prize and several smaller runner-up awards.

The idea for the contest belongs to Renaldo Hudson, 39, a convicted (and admitted) murderer and former Death Row inmate now at Stateville Correctional Center in Joliet. Hudson has devoted himself to all manner of redemptive activities since undergoing a religious conversion behind bars in 1994.

"He told me he saw it as an effective way for inmates to express their feelings and for people on the outside to see prisoners in a less stereotypical way," said Bill Ryan, a director of the Illinois Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty and coordinator of the contest.

That most people have two-word answers to the above questions when it comes to prisoners--Who cares? Stay put!--was a big reason Hudson wanted to invite inmate responses. Many of these contestants have been convicted of terrible crimes. When Hudson was 19, he stabbed a 72-year-old man 60 times then left him to die in a burning bed.

But many also share the wish of the 36-year-old convicted multiple murderer who yearned in his essay for "some sort of time machine to take me back to change a lot of the things I have done."

He wrote, "I see myself as a person constantly dealing with guilt and remorse," and added, "As I grow older, I see how things should be done with patience and forgiveness, even though it is hard sometimes."

"Society has labeled me [a] prisoner," wrote a 35-year-old inmate serving a 30-year term for killing his wife, "but I am so much more. I am a father, I am a son, I am good, I am bad, I am, I am, I am. ... But the most important thing I can do to better me is to know and acknowledge God each day."

"Learning to forgive in my heart those who harmed or tried to harm me and learning to give love even to these who do not love themselves," wrote a 39-year-old convicted murderer who has a parole date in 2048. "This is what I can do to be better."

Another 39-year-old wrote, "I must continue to share the message of accountability and taking responsibility. ... I can be an example to all around me, to let them know that no matter how far down you fall, you can get up."

I'm not giving their names because Ryan will hide their identities when handing the entries to a panel of judges--Tribune editorial writer Cornelia Grumman and I are among them--after the Aug. 29 deadline for entries.

(Send submissions to 2237 Sunnyside Ave., Westchester, Ill. 60154. Send queries about prize-pool donations and other aspects of the essay contest to nanatoad@ix.netcom.com)

The Department of Corrections has no involvement with the contest other than guarding the entrants. A spokeswoman said she believed it is the first event of its kind in the state prison system.

Ryan said he has been impressed by the spare, passionate eloquence of the entries he has received, a feeling I share after reading from the samples he sent along.

"The more I interact with and learn about people in prison, the more amazed I am at the human ability to grow, to express pain, remorse and suffering, and to change," he said.

Who are these men and women we have locked away, and what can they do to be better? Five hundred words isn't enough, but it's a start.